Kevin Smith might want to consider alternate forms of transportation.
Seriously, you can pimp out your own tour bus and just enjoy the ride, John Madden style. Sure it takes longer, but the director and air travel just don't mix.
Smith, who famously feuded with Southwest after he was kicked off a flight for being too large in February, had issues with Virgin America this time around.
BLOWING SMOKE: When it comes to flying, Kevin Smith tends to.
Smith says on his blog that he, his wife Jennifer Schwalbach, and their friend Jason Mewes arrived at New York's JFK airport in plenty of time for a flight.
"Boarding started at 11:15, and we arrived at the gate at 11:35 – a full 10 minutes before scheduled departure," Smith wrote in a blog post on Monday.
"But as we reached the gate, we saw a man closing the door ... We told him we were on the flight and he told us it was too late; the flight was closed."
"It was 11:36."
Despite having first class seats and a concierge service, officials reportedly told Smith and his party that there was nothing he could do – nor could he take their bags, which included medication Smith's wife needed, OFF the flight.
"They didn’t even TRY to call someone about getting the bags," he wrote. "The plane sat right at the jetway still attached. Our bags could've EASILY been removed in the time the jet remained at the gate (or we could’ve been permitted to board)."
Smith said he waited until 10 minutes before departure to board because, "when you fly first, you board first, sit down … and then EVERYONE files past you."
"And when you're the Too Fat To Fly guy on a plane? Well, everyone stares," he adds. "Then the whispering starts. A hundred people look right at you."
While Smith ultimately missed his flight – and his child's first basketball game at school because of the delay – he was rebooked on a later flight.
He later received a nice surprise – a "lovely, apologetic email, full refund for flight, free tix offer – all before I've landed," Smith wrote.
"I appreciate the gesture/effort."
Virgin America 1, Southwest 0.